Scooter 6.5 - Aurora Skies

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Welcome back to the Scooters. You've reached the part of the generation where I lose all of my patience with this horrible expansion pack and how boring and lame it made this generation. So. Sorry for me ragging on it so hard in advance.

 

So, after doing my part to recycle and shit, it turns out the only FUCKING way to raise your green footprint in this STUPID EP...is to decorate your house with the appropriate stuff. Great! Cool. Awesome! I LOVE a fun exciting challenge. Thanks for this, EA.

I fucking. I hate this garbage expansion.

Looks like old papa Sully came to visit! I don't normally document that to maintain some sense of distance but why not! I don't care anymore.

Sully: Dami, bud, I don't want to rush you or anything, but...when are ya having kids?

Dami: PAPA. Please! I am still dealing with moving to a new country, and having a quite frankly difficult start to my still-budding relationship. Give me some time?

Sully: Fine but I'm gonna die in like, a week. So. There's that.

Dami: Oh my godddddd.

Anyway, the community garden initiative took over. In the...middle of winter...yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Hope you guys like mushy, frosty, probably dead crops?

Hari made sure to dope the fuck out of these bees before he let them swarm all over his person like that.

Hari: Hehehehe bees :-) Oh god I feel one crawling into my shirt.

Something that makes more sense is Hari's indoor garden. His strawberries and other things are sprouting.

Hari: Walcome to my kitchen. We have bananis...and overused jokes.

What's got you in such a good mood, Dami?

Dami: I am once again getting railed on the regular :) My problems are solved.

Hari's business (well, "business") is thriving. I've made it a point for Hari not to get a traditional career, and make money by making things and "selling them online".

Hari, typing: "Hi, thank you for your interest in Hardwood by Hari. I think you must have misinterpreted the nature of my shop because I sell products made of wood, not pictures of my dick. Thank you."

And just like that, a little while after redecorating Damián's house in an "eco-friendly" manner, the neighbourhood footprint got changed to green. Yee-fucking-haw.

I didn't know it at the time, but a big component in changing an Evergreen Harbour neighbourhood's aesthetic is to enact both green initatives AND modern developments as NAPs. I only decorated this house and didn't do any of that. I thought "well, it worked" and decided to move on.

Hence why this picture looks so dumb.

Hari: Well, boss. This place is thriving and beautiful. What's our next step?

Dami: We're gonna pack it up and head to Grims Quarry. Next. I heard it's need of two super-cute green activists in the neighbourhood.

Hari: That's perfect! I know two right now.... It's us, that's the gag.

Dami: I know, baby. I got it.

Ta-da, these two stinkheads moved to Grims. It was around this time that I learned that green initiative NAPs were a thing, so we're working on those. For the moment, I've just decorated one of the free lots into something a bit more eco-friendly.

Seriously, this house looks dumb as all balls.

How else are you gonna christen a new home? By NOT woohooing in it while the image of a probably-traumatised young woman looks on and away in horror? How pédéstrian.

Right, green iniatives! Let's get on that!

...

Dami: I don't have enough influence because I'm mean to people.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DAMIÁN.

This new house came with a FUN pre-existing feature, in that the NAP currently in place is power conservation. Which is awesome and very fun and COOL.

Dami: I embrace the darkness. It embraces me back.

At least Hari's right at home in his favourite maker space, which is now just down the road! Hardwood by Hari is back in full swing babeeeeey.

Hari: I wonder how much more of this dye I can get on my skin before I succumb to blood poisoning.

Oh my god I guess this neighbourhood also has Free Love in action to? Cause I KNOW that NPC is already fucking someone else.

Jules Rico: I might fuck around and leave my scam call grifter girlfriend for this mmmmm

The grind never stops for Dami.

Dami, typing: "...coming to you with concerns about the water pressure in Grims Quarry. The water out of my showerhead is so weak that it feels less like a way to get clean and more like my house is slowly pissing on me. Please for the love of god tell me we're looking into that."

I think there's a liiiiittle bug with these standing planters in that the fruit that it produces (not a day after planting) are always of Perfect quality. And I know damn well Matahari Rotan is not THAT good at gardening.

Hari: I thought I was doing something right :(

I hate this NAP I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Random older man: Come here you fine little twink.

Dami: MMMMMFFHHHGGG??!?!?!?

Random older man: You kiss like my Nathaniel used to. (sigh)

IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT, Dami contractred/startred showing signs of disease. I want to fucking die.

Dami: YOU? You wanna die?! I want to be GROUND INTO BONE DUST.

Only the woo and hoo of Dami's true love can fix this.

Dami: (crying gently)

Hari: Babe, what's wrong?! Am I doing something wrong?

Dami: I just... (sob) I can't get the way that man's tongue felt out of my mouth. It felt like sandpaper, babe. Sandpaper.

It wasn't terribly long after that whole ordeal that Dami vomited one morning.

Dami: Oh god fuck shit ass. Don't tell me....

Okay, I won't tell you. I'll just see you in a bit. Bye, Dami!

Spare check-in! Briana has taken Ori to the family plot in Newcrest because, unfortunately, they have passed away. Rest in peace, Oriana Marisa Torreo Delgado Lopez-Scooter. You did good. And I just wanted to type out their mile-long name one last time.

Miss Destiny Dinh was there to help ease the pain a bit.

Destiny: Bree, I'm so sorry about Ori...is there anything I can do?

Bree: (sigh) I'm just worried about the mortgage for the home, that's all. It's gonna pass to my brother, sure, but my parents definitely helped keep that whole thing afloat.

Destiny: Say no more. I'll move in!

Bree: Wait, seriously? Just like that?

Destiny: Absolutely! (sniffs) Look, Bree--we are both spares to our siblings' heirs. We are going to disappear into the background anyway and most likely not continue our lines. Who cares how random and silly it looks?

Bree: You're right, but that's so meta.

Destiny: I know, babe. I know.

Cutting back to Dami for a moment who seems concerned about their figure.

Dami: I'm just...putting on water weight. Cause of regular hormones. I'm putting on hormonal water weight.

...

(sob)

I'm actually amazed at how terribly ugly this lot is.

Hari: Shoutout to our singular wind turbine. What is it doing? Who is it doing it for? Why is it here? More on that at 3.

Does that still look like "hormonal water weight" to you, Damián?

Dami: Don't TALK TO ME I want to stick my face in a bowl of ICE CREAM and concerningly enough, BEEF TARTARE

Looks like we got our first glimpse at an aurora! It's so close to the ground! Yep...! Yeehaw! Wahey!

...

I want this generation to be done, dudes. Eco Lifestyle is easily the worst expansion to come out of this goddamned game.

Dami: Seriously, how are you this good at chess? Are you some kind of child prodigy and never told me?

Hari: A good chess player never reveals his tricks to his opponent, my dear.

Dami: ...

Hari: ...you're just bad at chess, sayangku. It's not deep.

Hari: Hey, hey...! Babe! It'll be okay! We'll get you new pants...

Dami: They're never going to go back to normal size because I've stretched them out so much because I'm SO FAT.

Hari: Baby...you're not fat...you're just pregnant!

Dami: I'M FUCKIN WHAT?

Hari: Uh--

This district is clear of pollutants (because it's ~~~green~~~ now) so it's safe to play in the rain again! Alright!

Hari: Aaaaaah, so fresh and clean, I could practically drink it. In fact... (smacks lips) Yep. Aquafina.

After learning they were pregernate, Dami has taken to spending a fuck tonne of time at home. "Family leave" and that. As such, they are free to pursue various hobbies.

Dami: If it'll stop me from going completely batshit crazy I'll do it. Painting? Yeah. Sky diving? Hell yeah, maybe in a bit. Eating a bug? ...well I might fuck around and find out.

STOP perpetuating the myth that Caleb Vatore is sexy because he is NOT and I absolutely refuse it.

Caleb: You're only attracted to me because I'm compelling you to be.

Hari: I'm only attracted to you because you're compelling me to be.

Caleb: ...ok pause this feels really weird. I'm gonna go.

That tough-guy crust has washed off with time and hormonal water weight gain. Dami is ready to cry at the drop of a hat.

Dami: (sniff) This sandwich is still cold in the middle I hate my life. I want to die.

Oh yes, this is to signify that they're once again leaving this neighbourhood and headed to another one to continue their goal of trying to Make Evergreen Harbour Green Again. This time, we did indeed implement the green iniatives thing (peep that lack of trash baby) but still not the modern developments thing. Cause I guess at the time, I thought modern developments would turn it industrial and would not work with the green thing (which I know now is untrue).

But whatever. I'm tired of this place. Onto the next!

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Guys...I really regret having spent money on this expansion. Some of it is good. Most of it is complete trash doo doo. I'm so...sad. But I'll see you guys next time. Byeeeee!