Scooter 7.10 - Carry On, My Edgelord Son

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WE'RE HERE. WE'RE AT THE END. And all before 2022! fuck I didn't think I'd actually do it but here we are. thanks for joining me on this ride, friends. I'm ready to close the door on the flop that was 2021 Scooter content if you all are.

 

We open up this chapter with our heir, Xavier's birthday! Happy birthday Xavi!

Xavier: Great! You're not gonna forget to take a picture of me as a teenager immediately after, right?

...right!

Uh anyway--welcome back to Mt. Komorebi?

Xavier, offscreen: You are fucking kidding me.

The Scooters went back to Japan on vacation but uhhh it kinda started off sour because Laila ....sucks as a person

Laila: Don't forget to do your homework while you're here, Xavier. It's a vacation for us, not you.

Xavier: Uhh. Damn. Okay.

Laila: I'm serious. I'd better see that stuff done by the time we're at the airport in Sendai. Get it done.

Xavier: (mutters) Yeah, whatever.

Xavier: ...what the fuck was that about?

Koichi: I don't know. I admit, that was left field even for your mother. I should speak to her.

Xavier: Glad one of us will. 'Cause fuck that shit.

Koichi: (sigh) What a great start to our vacation.

Well, Ichi tried to talk to Laila but it didn't turn out the way he expected.

Koichi: Laila? Can we talk about Xavier?

Laila: (groan) We could, or...we could do what couples do on vacation and you could bust this coochie open.

Koichi: ...

...yeah actually that's a great idea

Great parenting guys. Y'all better not fall pregnant unexpectedly and have ANOTHER kid to neglect.

Okay to be fair, Xavier has been in a mood ever since they stepped off the plane. In fact, he's usually in a mood. Chalk it up to teenage edginess.

Xavier: I'm not edgy. This place just suuuuuuucks.

Right. Anyway here's Xavier embarking on his solo adventure through the little mountainside town of Mt. Komorebi, being insufferable the entire way.

Xavier: Hey!

Okay, Xavi. Wanna check out a festival?

Xavier: No. I don't want to eat weird random food on the side of the road.

Okay!

Wanna go for a swim in the river?

Xavier: Maybe for a minute.

...

k that was cool for like a second. I'm going back now.

Okay!

Wanna get attacked by bats?

Xavier: What? Fuck--AAAGHHGHHEHHE BATS??!?!! I'M GONNA GET RABIES!

Okay.

What's this? Could Laila be developing a conscience? Sources say no.

Laila: Was I...maybe too harsh on Xavier...?

...hmm. No. It's the children that are wrong.

It's very telling that while Ichi and Laila are inside enjoying a nice time by the fire after dinner...

...Xavier is willingly having his dinner, outside, after his parents are finished theirs. I'm sure there are real points I could make about this but I'm just gonna make another edgy joke instead.

'tis the title of the chapter, after all.

Things came to a head the following day when the family tried to embark on a walk to the shrine, where Laila proposed to Koichi thousands of years ago. Of course, Xavier wasn't having any second of it.

Koichi: Come on, Xavi. It's beautiful out, and you're in your first yukata. Lighten up a little?

Xavier: I don't care. I don't care about this stupid bathrobe and I don't want to be here. This place sucks so much ass.

Koichi: Xavier...

Laila: The least you could do is thank your father for peeling you away from your phone for even two seconds.

Xavier: Why don't you eat shit? The only reason I'm on my phone is because I'm doing my fucking homework on vacation. Isn't that what you wanted me to do?

Laila: Don't take that fucking tone with me, kid. I'm serious.

Xavier: "I'm serious." What fucking ever, you terrible cow.

Koichi: Let's--let's please stop yelling at each other. Please.

Laila/Xavier: Fine.

The family headed back into town, in silence, not terribly long after that.

Koichi: Well, one of us has to say it. I'm worried about Xavier.

Laila: Ugh. I'm just...he has no respect for anyone. But I also know that's my fault. That's how he's seen me act all his life. Fuck.

Koichi: You got that right.

Koichi/Laila: ...

Laila: Oh, I thought we were both gonna say we fucked up somehow. (sniffs) But that's fine.

I'm sure they're all worried about their son and everything, sure but what I'm worried about is the fact that they're EATING PIZZA OFF A PUBLIC OUTDOOR TABLE??? HELLO? PLEASE STOP

Koichi: Xavi...do you think...you and your mother could talk it out before we go back home? She recognises she's messed up...she wants to make it right.

Xavier: Okay. And she's not coming to me, why, exactly?

Koichi: (groans) Please, Xavier, don't make this more difficult than it needs to be. Talk to your mother.

Xavier: Whatever. Laila can come find me and apologise, and I'll think about forgiving her.

Back at home, it seems that Xavi's foul mood has cemented itself into a mean streak. He's throwing things, speaking in short sentences or not at all, and he absolutely refuses to eat dinner with his parents. 

The kid with an emotionally distant father, and a mother with a hair trigger on her rudeness. Who could have seen this coming?

He doesn't care for his childhood toys anymore. He lets the world know by uhhh (checks smudged writing on hand) punching the shit out of it?

Xavier: Eat shit, Blarffy.

Hey, Hayabusa still exists.

Hayabusa, charging in the rain for some dumbass reason: ...

Okay! Great talk, buddy.

The day has finally come. Hayabusa whipped up another cake for Ichi and Laila's Old Old Person birthdays! Happy birthday, you crones!

Koichi: (sobbing) finally. Sweet sweet retirement!

Look at them. The two worst asswipes this legacy has ever played host to, in their twilight years. We love to see it.

Koichi: Do you regret any of it, Laila?

Laila: No.

Koichi: Not even the piss-poor job we did raising our only son?

Laila: Eh! He'll be fine! I mean, didn't I turn out okay?

Koichi: Uh...

Laila: Why aren't you answering, Ichi.

Koichi: ...would you look at that? I suddenly can't hear.

The only way they can get their shitty old bones to be mobile enough for woo and hoo is to warm them up in the sauna first, like idling your car in winter. See--I knew getting this thing was a good idea!

Laila: Ugh, but the steam is making me sleepyyyy nowwwwwww.

Telemarketer on the line: Would you like to hear about our performance-enhancing erectile dysfunction pills?

Koichi, smugly: Heh! Let me tell you in excruciating detail how little I need your silly little dick pills.

Have the only time Xavier ever actively chose to train.

Xavier: (grunt) (grunt) ...rrrghghg! ...one...!

Phew. Alright, that was not it. We'll never do that again.

Is this...Laila, developing insecurity?

Young ladies: (chattering)

Laila: Shut up. The only reason I'm such a terrible person was because of my insecurity. Get the lore straight.

... ugh, self-introspection. UGH it was all so much easier when I didn't give one rat's ass.

Heyyyyy happy birthday, Xavier...!

Xavier: You neglected to take a picture of me blowing out my cake candles, didn't you?

....eeeeehehehehehehe....

Xavier: Hey, so... now that I've been an adult for approximately 17 seconds, I'm moving out.

Koichi: Wait, Xavier, are you sure? It's quite literally fine if you stayed at home. Save some money.

Laila, aside: Speak for yourself. Let him try it out on his own, maybe he'll learn some responsibility for once.

Koichi: ...Laila...

Xavier: That's another thing I won't miss. Laila, you are quite literally the worst person in existence. I'm so glad you're closer to death now. I'll get Hayabusa to bury your ass and fax me the receipt when it's done.

Koichi/Laila: ...

Xavier: So! If that's all set, I'm gonna go. Peace out, idiots. Hope your lives are as empty and shitty as your souls.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Ah...yeah. Quite a different note than I usually end these generations with. I think...at least Laila deserved it, ngl. Koichi, maybe. That might've just been splash damage. But anyway. That's how that ended. Thanks for joining me on this ride. It's quite literally almost been a year. I don't even know what I'm doing. See you later, friendos.