Tucker & Dallas vs. the Epilogue!

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Hello everyone, welcome back to Tucker & Dallas vs. Evil! (Science)., for the real-real final time. Like I'd said, I'd tried to start a legacy with them, but I got rather bored of it and couldn't continue. And I didn't get super far there, but I had a good handful of stuff--enough to give a nice resolution for my boys. I thought it'd be nice to check in on what happened with them.

 

Here is what happened in the ten years following, what is now known as, The Strangerville Event of 2131.

As of right now, it's been two years since the mother plant was defeated. That year's Harvestfest came without a hitch or any sign of anything going wrong, or threatening to. That same year, Sullivan Scooter moved to the town to begin his life. For once, Strangerville felt...mostly...at peace.

Dallas and Tucker, naturally started sleeping in the same bed. They have, after all, been dating ever since the Event.

As well, they started waking up to mysterious gnomes. As one does on this accursed, awful holiday.

They gave the rest of the house a little makeover too, knocking down some old walls and giving everything a nice new coat of paint and new flooring. Tucker took some of his plants out to the main room. Give the old shack a little bit of greenery to look at. They deserve it.

Yet, they couldn't help but feel as if something had been left...unfinished. It might have just been a psychological response to everything they had been through, but there was a sense of foreboding hanging in the air. Not to mention, the strange weather patterns that still persisted, back when the mother plant was still alive.

Still, they just did their best to ignore it. The fragile bubble of peace they had achieved was far too precious to go and burst like that.

Dallas would receive a letter, apparently from an organisation he had never heard of. It looked like junk, containing pamphlets for water purification systems. But upon digging through it, he found a small, meticulously written note.

"I know it was you that ended it. Thank you."

And that was it.

The letter had come from Oriole, Arizona.

Tucker had come into his own as an urban gardener and producer of heirloom crops. Word got around that he was growing fresh produce and some people wanted to take a look at his wares. It was slow-going at first, but he managed to get a steady stream of income from it. Enough to build himself a small greenhouse for his work.

Alright, let's drop out of serious storytellingTM mode startiiiiing........right...now.

When I tell you guys that these two woohoo'd almost every day I truly mean it. Wicked Whims who?

AND BECAUSE I had fucked around with MC Woohoo settings a bit, I decided to add a little bit of ~risk~ to the woohoo aspect. Tucker came away from that fully ass-preg.

Tucker: Great. I hate it already.

Christmas came around! I feel like since Jimmy James is a weird billionaire asshole, Tucker likely grew up with shitty, cold, Melania Trump-esque Christmases. And so Dallas gave him one he'd never forget.

Dallas: Now where is my ding-dangin' pickle ornament? Can't have no Christmas without no pickle.

The gang's all here! That Christmas consisted of the iconique Erwin Pries, one of Tucker's coworkers, and the civilian woman who had aided Tucker and Dallas in their fight against the mother. Her name was Marilyn, I think.

Also invited was old Mr. Cahill.

George Cahill: Congratulations on your new baby, Tucker. Though I gotta say...I'm rather...confounded on how this...came...about...

Tucker: Trust me, Mr. Cahill. So am I.

Mayor Ted came, as well. Dallas was trying to build a rapport with him at the time which didn't ultimately work because Ted is a butthole.

Ted Roswell: So...y'all liking this turkey?

Marilyn/Erwin Pries: (noncommittal sounds)

Ted: Mmm-hmm. Ain't nothing like a good Christmas turkey, I say. And that's Christmas with the Lord's name in it--not none of that "holidays" foolishness.

Marilyn/Erwin: (groans)

When it came time for Tuck to give birth, he headed to the hospital and immediately regretted it.

Tucker: You said I could live for HOW long with my heart outside of my body?

Anyway, welcome to the world, their first child. A boy named Dakota Tucker Dinh. Tucker chose not to pass on his last name, as the name Thursday means absolutely nothing to him. So there's that.

Dallas is PUMPED to be a dad.

Dallas: Goodnight little buddy. You need anything, just give a holler. Papa'll come for you.

The New Year came around with some show of spectacle to it.

Tucker: Is it just me or this wine delicious?

Dallas: It's just you, darlin'. You ain't had any alcohol in months. This tastes like a shoe.

Tucker: MMMMMM memory foam.

Now that there's a baby in their midst, there's no need to delay the inevitable. Tucker proposed to Dallas that New Years' Day.

Tucker: What do you say, Dallas? Take this cursed Thursday name away from me. Be my husband.

Dallas, flustered: Well--shit, Tuck! Don't mind if I do!

Dallas got involved in politics. It was at this moment that he decided he'd had enough of Ted Roswell's outdated, hands-off way of handling his town's issues unopposed, so he sought to change all of that.

Dallas: Watch out, ya old republican sack of bones.

Iiiiiii uhhh might've set the risky woohoo chance a bit too high because REALLY not long after Dakota was born, Tucker was once again ass-preg.

Tucker: I TRULY. TRULY am begging to d-word.

Mayor Ted isn't none too happy about Dallas trying to undermine him.

Dallas: Mr. Roswell. Just thought I'd remind you that your days are numbered. In office, and in life. Because you old as hell.

Ted: After everything we've been through... You won't make it out of here with another cent to your name, Dallas Dinh.

It's a baby! Ta-da! Second born to Dallas and Tucker is Destiny Dallas Dinh. She looks just like a little clone of Tucker, lol.

Here we have an aged-up Dakota. He's already feeling the weight of being the EldestTM.

Dakota: Whaddya mean I have to share things now? Whose terrible idea was that?

EASYYYYY you two! Jeez! You already had two kids within the last like, 20 minutes! Goddamn!

Here's Dakota checking up on a teddy bear, doctor-style. I think I meant to do something with that at the time, but I didn't. Oopsie doodle.

Dallas: Well, darlin'. I'll be back. I'm off to fight crooked politics and implement progressive growth plans.

Tucker: Oh, baby. You are very gorgeous to me.
 

Man, who keeps letting Mayor Ted come around here?

Dallas: Ted, I don't know what you're doing on my property, but you better get on out of here. You don't wanna ruin your reputation any mor'n it already is.

Ted: (growl) Curse you, Dallas. You're gonna run Strangerville into the ground!

 

At least Ted's wife likes Dallas.

Meredith Roswell: Aw, Dallas, good of you to come around, darlin'.

Dallas: Ain't a thing, Meredith. Just thought I'd check in since certain others won't.

Meredith: You're a pearl. So when are you gonna crush that husband of mine in an election and run away with me into the sunset?

Dallas: Uh--ah...um...

Here's miss Destiny, aged up. Harvestfest has come back around, I guess.

Destiny: What? It's not like I have any other friends in this dinky town. Ain't nobody else having kids my age. (sigh) I'm so alone.

This is the moment that I re-tweaked the risky woohoo risk because I have had E-NOUGH of these dummies having babies.

Tucker: THANK FUCKING GOD MY BUSSY CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS

The last and final baby born to Tucker and Dallas is Delaney Rae Dinh. I think she represents the best genetic mix between her fathers. And she cute as hell. Too bad this isn't a legacy so whatever. Moving on!

The old church at the bluffs is about to get demolished because it's so old and was built improperly, but I think it has room for one more event in it, don't you?

Absolutely nobody is pleased that Mayor Ted is here.

Meredith: Remember when you cared about me, Ted? Remember those days?

Ted: Give it a rest, woman.

Meredith: I guess there really is no correlation between how nice the venue is and how good the marriage will be. (loud sniff) I hate you, Ted! I want a divorce!

Well, Meredith, you're gonna have to wait, because it's someone else's big day right now. Tucker's and Dallas', of course! It's been long a few years and I think it's time to finally get it out of the way.

Dallas: Tucker Thursday, I promise you I'll always do right by you. Will you do the same?

Tucker: Always, Dallas. And...that's Tucker Dinh to you.

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And what happened with Tucker and Dallas and their crusade against evil science. We close the book on their lives, and let them rest. See you next time friends!